Oracle OpenWorld: It's The Database, Stupid

If you want some political pizzazz at a technology conference but don't want to alienate half your user base, learn from Larry. Oracle CEO Larry Ellison kicked off Oracle OpenWorld Sunday evening with Beltway he-said, she-said act James Carville and Mary Matalin -- and 10,000 attendees at San Francisco's Moscone Center couldn't have been happier.

Matalin, a Republican, and her husband Carville, a Democrat, have roughly 60 years' experience as political operatives between them, according to Matalin, including stints as advisors to both Presidents Bush and Bill Clinton.

Matalin also served as an advisor to Vice President Dick Cheney until recently, a biographical detail that drew snickers from the capacity crowd when the night's emcee, Oracle CFO Safra Catz, announced it with a giggle and then a dramatic "sshhh" to settle the audience.

Before the Matalin-Carville dog-and-pony show took the stage, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom officially opened Oracle OpenWorld, his voice raspy as he made his benedictions. If Newsom sounded a bit under the weather, the next speaker, actor and environmental activist Ed Begley Jr., was positively wired, barreling through his bit on the marvels of Green IT like he was in the process of recycling a half-dozen tall cappuccinos.

Matalin and Carville have their schtick honed to perfection. She occasionally interjects political observations in her running critique of his looks and manners. He answers by joining his wife in the pile-on, mercilessly ridiculing himself as a segue to jokes about Bill Clinton and John McCain.

The couple are a fixture on Sunday political talk shows like "Meet the Press," where Matalin's acerbic asides set up Carville's homespun analogies and vice-versa. On stage Sunday night, each got off a number of zingers, the best of which are listed here:

MATALIN ON CARVILLE

"[Comedian] Dennis Miller said, 'Carville is the only snake oil salesman who actually looks like a snake.'"

"I haven't read his half of the book that we wrote together."

"He watches the 'Clinton News Network' [CNN]. I go to my 'Fox News Fair and Balanced Room,' which James says I use like a drunk uses a lamppost. For support, not illumination."

"Let me introduce Corporal Cueball [Carville]. He really was a corporal in the Marines, making him the highest ranking military official in the Clinton administration."

MATALIN ON THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION

"I bet there are very few undecideds in this room. We're probably not going to change anyone's mind."

"We're in a new paradigm. Uncharted territory. We're in the Information Age, which you in this room know far more about than the campaigners. And all of the prognostication, the bloviating from our friends, has been wrong so far."

"The structural dynamic to McCain's advantage is pretty serious movement from his core constituency. They moved back a little bit this week because of the economy. ... But John McCain is closing the 'change' gap. That he could be as close to Obama on that core narrative is a structural shift [in this election]."

MATALIN ON THE GOP CANDIDATE SHE INITIALLY SUPPORTED

"Fred Thompson, unfortunately, was the only candidate who ever tested positive for Ambien."

MATALIN ON MCCAIN'S RISE IN THE POLLS

"When John started turning, everybody was attributing it to [vice-presidential selection Sarah] Palin. But it was already happening due to his response to Georgia, his response on energy and his unexpected performance at the Rick Warren event [the Saddleback Forum].

MATALIN ON BARACK OBAMA'S ALLEGED MISTAKES

"Getting the top of the ticket on the other side to address your VP selection -- it's a dream come true for McCain. For two weeks [after the Republican National Convention], they were discussing makeup on farm animals!"

"[Following the Democratic National Convention] Barack Obama did not consolidate his base and pivot well to a general election message."

"Obama seemed to be having a good convention at the time, but it turned out to be a Chinese dinner."

"It's a historical time, and for once I agree with Barack Obama. He says he's so relaxed because he has faith in the American people. I have faith in the American people too, so I don't think Obama should be so relaxed."

MATALIN ON THE UPCOMING PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES

"Unless somebody does something profoundly stupid in the debates, it's not going to change the fundamental dynamics of the election."

Next: The Ragin' Cajun's Turn

Following Mary Matalin's address, her husband James Carville took over. Here are some of his best lines:

CARVILLE ON HIMSELF

"Gavin Newsom is the nation's handsomest mayor. ...What they said about me is, 'Carville looks like someone who was sired out of the love scene in the film Deliverance.'"

CARVILLE ON GEORGE W. BUSH

"Bush looks [French president Nicolas] Sarkozy right in the eye and says, 'The problem with you French is, you don't have a word for entrepreneur!'"

CARVILLE ON THE CLINTONS

"The greatest thing about the Clintons is that Hillary can get the woman's vote and Bill can get the Other Woman's vote."

CARVILLE ON THE ONE-TIME REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL FIELD

"Look at the list of those Republican candidates from the primary -- Fred Thompson, John McCain, Rudy Giuliani, Mitt Romney. The only one who was only married once was the Mormon!"

CARVILLE ON OBAMA'S APPEAL

"Obama raised $66 million in August. He has three million donors. That's not a donor list, that's a political party!"

"There's going to be the biggest generational divide in this election we've ever seen. If young people turn out in the numbers I suspect they will, it's going to change the whole nature of our politics. Obama's going to get 60 to 65 percent of the 18-to-29-year-old voters."

CARVILLE ON OBAMA'S QUIET SUMMER

"Politically, I've never seen a more compelling story than the Democratic primary. Obama didn't have a good summer? There's an explanation -- he was exhausted."

CARVILLE ON THE DEBATES

"I think 90 million people will watch these debates. Will the debates matter? They did in 1976, and of course in 1960. in 2004, they didn't. I suspect they will matter this time."

CARVILLE ON HOW THE FIRST DEBATE, ON FOREIGN POLICY, WILL TURN TO ECONOMIC MATTERS

"Here's a 'foreign policy' question: 'The Chinese hold upwards of $800 billion of our paper, what do you think of that?'"

CARVILLE ON WHAT'S STILL TO COME

"We've had Russia invading Georgia. What some are saying is the most serious financial crisis since the Great Depression. Does anyone think this is going to stop, or that things are going to keep happening all the way up to election day? I think I'll go with Option B."

"All kinds of weird things are going to happen, different things."

"Go back, read the history books. People will say, they did all sorts of things back then. But let me tell you, you are living in the period of the most rapid change that anybody in the world has ever lived in."