The Channel Wire

June 30, 2008

First they made us buckle up. Next, they forced bikers to stuff their domes into helmets before firing up the Harley. Earlier this year, California banned smoking with kids in the car and on Tuesday, that state and Washington will start handing out tickets for talking on a handset while operating a motor vehicle.

Are legislators determined to take all the fun out of driving?

Some are saying the new laws are a gift to the makers of hands-free cell phones and assorted Bluetooth gadgets. We say it's all part of a government plot to kit out the populace with cyborg implants that download the anti-fun agenda directly into your brain.

Next thing you know, everybody looks like this guy.

So if you see some vendor peddling the Borg Construct Aj^6 hands-free cell phone, or worse, EarPods, don't say we didn't warn you.

Meanwhile, we're not sure why we even care about all this new traffic legislation. We take the train, where you can smoke and blab on your cell phone to your heart's content. Well, except for the first part.

But if there's a silver lining to it all, it's this -- while adult drivers can be fined $20 in California if caught driving while chatting on a phone that isn't hands-free, under-18 drivers are banned from using any kind of phone device at all while behind the wheel. If lawmakers could just get the little menaces off the road entirely, we'd call it even.