IT Dictionary For The Nontechie: 25 Terms

The Layperson's IT Glossary

Remember the "Blonde's Medical Dictionary?" (Of course, that's completely derogatory and we don't condone it at all.) But let's face it, IT jargon can be a little overwhelming to the average individual. I mean, try talking about a "SQL injection attack" or a "buffer overflow vulnerability" in everyday conversation to the nontechie layperson and you'll probably be subjected to a blank stare followed by a request to be excused because the poodle needs a shampoo.

So we tried to make things a bit easier. Here are a few IT terms that we've, er, took the liberty of redefining so techie types can fit in at neighborhood barbecues and nontechie types will actually invite them. Enjoy!

Antivirus

[an-tahy/an-tee vahy-ruhs] noun:

Cold medicine

Apps

[aps] noun:

A mountain range in Switzerland

Bloatware

[bloht wair] noun:

Clothing for heavy water-retention days

Channel

[chan-l] noun:

A big river in England

Cisco

[sis-koh] noun:

Where our parents went to dance

Cloud security

[klowd si-kyoo r-i-tee] noun:

Airplane safety instructions

Google

[u l] noun:

Eye protection for the swimming pool

Executable

[ ek-si-kyoot ey-buh l]

Easily killed

HIPAA

[hip uh] noun:

Where holiday calories go, usually concealed by bloatware (see bloatware)

IT

[ay tee] noun:

A genderless pronoun, often used to refer to inanimate objects

Laptop

[lap top] noun:

Thigh

Linux

[li'nuks] noun:

A Charlie Brown Peanuts character

MegaByte

[meg-uh-bahyt] noun, verb:

Stuffing your face

Microchip

[mahy-kroh-chip] noun:

A small snack that comes in potato or tortilla

Node

[nohd]: noun:

A facial body part that takes in air

PCI

[pee see ay] noun:

A resolution to be more tolerant of others

SaaS

[sas] adj:

Energetic

Spyware

[spahy wair] noun:

A long trenchcoat and a magnifying glass

SOX

[soks] noun:

Fuzzy things you put on your feet before putting on your shoe

Superconductor

[soo-per-kuh n-duhk-ter] noun:

A really great person who leads an orchestra, waves a baton

SQL

[see-kwuhl] noun:

The second in a series of movies, usually not as good as the first

Trojan Horse

[troh-juhn hawrs] noun:

A big mythical wooden horse dating back to the ancient Greeks

Screenshots

[skrint] noun:

What you do when you're mad at your computer

Wiki

[wk] noun:

The top of a candle that burns

VAR

[var]:

What pirates say