Bodacious Career Builder #1: Don't Take It Personally

Here's the first one, my personal favorite: Don't take it personally.

We can all remember a time when we took something personally. We spent all this time, energy and emotion on processing how we felt when someone slighted us, what we wished we'd said and what, if anything, we were going to do about it. And most of the time when it was over and we were slumped in our chair feeling exhausted, facing a long to-do list, we wish we'd spent our time on something else, something we cared more about, something more productive.

My own experience has shown me that throughout my work day, people aren't going around thinking about my feelings! They're not saying, "Gee, when I call Mary on the phone, when I send her an e-mail, when I see her in today's meeting, how is she going to feel about what I say or do?" Nooooo, they're just doing their thing! Still, how often have I reacted to something a co-worker has said or done when it was delivered in anything less than a positive tone?

At one point in my AOL career, I decided to make an internal move from a hard-earned position as the call-center manager of 250 people to head up the company's first-ever corporate training group. A few months after making the move, the company held a big party where I ran into a customer service rep who used to work for me. We started chatting, and he remarked, "Mary, I don't understand why you took this new job. I mean, you were doing so well in the call center, and you could have gone up and up. It doesn't make sense."

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At first, I was shocked and started to take it personally. "How come this guy thinks he knows more about what's best for me than I do?" I thought. Then I caught myself. In that moment, I decided that instead of justifying my career move, I'd simply make a statement. So, I replied, "You know, I think it was the best move for me," exited myself from the conversation and moved on.

That is what Bodacious Women do. When someone says or does something that sparks an internal reaction, you hesitate and create a few seconds of delay to ask yourself simple questions like, "Is this something I ought to pay attention to? Does it really have merit?" The answer is often, "No, not enough," and we can let it go.

Certainly, there are those times when we think, "Well, I may not take this personally, but I need to say something. I need to speak my mind and set the record straight." Bodacious Women recognize this need and make the phone call, write the e-mail, go see the person, or do whatever they believe is appropriate. And, then, when that's done, they let it go.

Creating the habit of not taking it personally isn't easy. But it's worth it -- you'll save yourself a lot of time, a lot of frustration and maybe even a little heartache.

Download a free copy of her e-book, "Bodacious! Career: Outrageous Success for Working Women."