Whose Meeting Am I In?

Up to that moment, I thought there was one. But then, I wasn't so sure.

Many calls these days lack a purpose. Or a leader. Ever been on a call where no one seems to know who called the meeting? Or why? Sure you have.

Face-to-face meetings should be different, but many aren't. I take a lot of notes, so it's not unusual for me to have my laptop open whenever I meet with someone. Often, however, I also have e-mail open and am logged on to IM. Am I listening? Sure. But to whom? Everybody, it seems.

Whenever Microsoft invites editors up for a visit, the individual who acts as host usually stays with us throughout the day. Years gone by, you could see the pain and anxiety of the person mounting as he or she began to wonder how many e-mails were piling up. Now everybody in Redmondland is wirelessly enabled, so they're only too glad to spend a day with you. Ordinarily, I'd take offense, but I'm too busy trying to jump onto Microsoft's network so I, too, can discreetly get my e-mail to get caught up with other people's bad manners.

As long as I'm in confession mode: Sometimes in the middle of conversations with colleagues, I start typing something. Usually, something one of them says triggers me to spontaneously begin writing. You know, something like, "I'm glad we finally had this time together..."

Ah, time together. Meaningful human interaction complete with the mutual exchange of significant ideas leading to new understanding. Remember that? When I glance at the subject lines of my e-mails waiting for me in my inbox, that kind of communication appears to be happening 200 to 300 times a day. Only not to me. Not to someone stuck in a meeting answering IMs while trying to make sense of other e-mails while simultaneously nodding and pretending to listen to a real live person. I'm often pretending to listen to so many people that I get confused as to who I was really tuning in to in the first place. Was it you? Or did I have the floor? If that's the case, did you get what I was trying to say? Or would it be easier if I put it in, say, an e-mail?

I work from home and have come to realize that the most significant business tool a home worker has is not a fast Internet connection or portable PC or even a reliable major metropolitan airport. It's the mute button on my phone. Truly. It allows me to fake what many office-bound colleagues can only dream of doing: participation. That's right, I can sort of show up and sort of participate in a meeting or conference call while simultaneously getting real work done. In my world, that's writing stories. Everyone is too busy listening to everybody else to notice that I'm not actually in the meeting I'm attending; I'm somewhere else. The next place. And there I'm happily working and getting stuff done. Only that's for another meeting that I haven't had a chance to arrive at and tune out. But I'm ready for it just the same.

How? Because I am listening, silly. To you, to them--to everyone, simultaneously. At the same time. The same time as now, which is different, of course, from this minute, when I cannot be disturbed, because, as you know, I'm in a meeting.

Woody Allen once postulated that half of life was showing up. He was right, of course. But now showing up doesn't count for half as much because no one really shows up if they are up on e-mail and IM, poised to take the first mobile call that comes in.

The great irony to showing up today is that the more communication tools you arrive with, the less communicating you actually achieve. Gadgetry allows you to be in so many places simultaneously that you're never in any one place long enough to actually take something new in. I'd explain more but am currently tied up with some other people right now. Besides, I think you know what I mean.

If not, send an e-mail to [email protected] and I'll explain, just as soon as the next meeting I'm planning to avoid starts.