Ranking The Super Bowl Tech Ads

We're counting down from the worst Super Bowl ad to the very best. Naturally, we kick things off with GoDaddy, which once again gives us a Super Bowl ad (two, in fact) that involves a woman ripping open her shirt -- apparently the only gag that the makers of these "controversial" spots know. Put it this way, the people behind the Scary Movie franchise probably think GoDaddy commercials are juvenile. Meanwhile, the Anna Kournikova-ization of Danica Patrick proceeds apace.

Dante's Inferno looks to be a really cool game. That's not the point. Electronic Arts apparently made no effort at all to produce an ad that would appear like it was specifically built for the Super Bowl showcase. That's pretty lame, like they're not even trying.

We want to like this Flo TV ad, which attempts to address the growing problem of henpecked male characters in television commercials. Unfortunately, it's unfunny, pretty baldly sexist and possibly even too long -- quite a feat for a 30-second spot. Next!

Beyonce equals "PHWOAR!!"





Beyonce-disappearing-after-five-short-seconds equals "Noooo!" Beyonce-getting-kidnapped-by-a-giant-robot-claw-and-dumped-into-some-sort-of-machinery equals "Really, Vizio? I'm supposed to find this appealing somehow?"

Yes, it's more pasty, geeky white dudes in a truly uncalled for state of undress, courtesy of texting service KGB. A couple things -- one, this ad about two guys racing to escape the wrath of an enormous sumo wrestler is actually pretty funny. Point two is that there is whole generation of people who have no idea why "KGB" is an odd name for a company. And that makes us feel really, really old.

The hyperbole that fuels Cars.com's tale of a young lad with a knack for saving the day owes much to the brilliant Dos Equis "Most Interesting Man In The World" series of ads. But it's a shame that the Timothy Richman story ends so badly, flipping the script on the teenager who calmly delivers Bengal tiger babies and turning him into an anxiety-ridden young adult who can't figure out how to buy a car. And here we thought we were going to get one Super Bowl ad that didn't feature a total loser.

Give it to Intel -- they've developed a recognizable look and feel to their ads since debuting their "Intel Rock Star" series a while back. This is another bit that takes place in the Intel lunchroom, featuring a robot who's bummed that the new Core processors represent cooler technology than whatever it took to build him. Later, the disgruntled droid would go on to divulge insider information to Raj Rajaratnam ... kidding!

If you're going to take the southern route to eyeballs with your Super Bowl ad, sticking Megan Fox in a bubble bath is as close to "as the crow flies" as you're likely to get. Unlike much clumsier babe-driven efforts, Motorola's spot deftly weaves rapid-fire comedic snapshots into ... oh, who are we kidding? Dude, it's Megan Fox in a bubble bath!

One minute you're just trying to hook up with that cool French chick, and the next thing you know, you're saddled with a couple of brats, noshing on frog's legs and figuring out ways to surrender. This cautionary tale from Google is cleverly told through a series of search queries, and major kudos to the search giant for creating a memorable ad without relying on the hot babes and geeky dudes that populate nearly all the other Super Bowl spots this year. Points off for being a bit too think-y for the festive atmosphere of Super Bowl Sunday.

Boost Mobile wins the No-Prize for updating the 1985 Chicago Bears' famously terrible "Super Bowl Shuffle" video -- working in both Jim McMahon and a Jersey Shore orange bronzer reference. This ad also serves another purpose " reminding us that this exists. Total win-win.