IT Dictionary For The Nontechie: 25 Terms
The Layperson's IT Glossary
Remember the "Blonde's Medical Dictionary?" (Of course, that's completely derogatory and we don't condone it at all.) But let's face it, IT jargon can be a little overwhelming to the average individual. I mean, try talking about a "SQL injection attack" or a "buffer overflow vulnerability" in everyday conversation to the nontechie layperson and you'll probably be subjected to a blank stare followed by a request to be excused because the poodle needs a shampoo.
So we tried to make things a bit easier. Here are a few IT terms that we've, er, took the liberty of redefining so techie types can fit in at neighborhood barbecues and nontechie types will actually invite them. Enjoy!
Antivirus
[an-tahy/an-tee vahy-ruhs] noun:
Cold medicine
Apps
[aps] noun:
A mountain range in Switzerland
Bloatware
[bloht wair] noun:
Clothing for heavy water-retention days
Channel
[chan-l] noun:
A big river in England
Cisco
[sis-koh] noun:
Where our parents went to dance
Cloud security
[klowd si-kyoo r-i-tee] noun:
Airplane safety instructions
[u l] noun:
Eye protection for the swimming pool
Executable
[ ek-si-kyoot ey-buh l]
Easily killed
HIPAA
[hip uh] noun:
Where holiday calories go, usually concealed by bloatware (see bloatware)
IT
[ay tee] noun:
A genderless pronoun, often used to refer to inanimate objects
Laptop
[lap top] noun:
Thigh
Linux
[li'nuks] noun:
A Charlie Brown Peanuts character
MegaByte
[meg-uh-bahyt] noun, verb:
Stuffing your face
Microchip
[mahy-kroh-chip] noun:
A small snack that comes in potato or tortilla
Node
[nohd]: noun:
A facial body part that takes in air
PCI
[pee see ay] noun:
A resolution to be more tolerant of others
SaaS
[sas] adj:
Energetic
Spyware
[spahy wair] noun:
A long trenchcoat and a magnifying glass
SOX
[soks] noun:
Fuzzy things you put on your feet before putting on your shoe
Superconductor
[soo-per-kuh n-duhk-ter] noun:
A really great person who leads an orchestra, waves a baton
SQL
[see-kwuhl] noun:
The second in a series of movies, usually not as good as the first
Trojan Horse
[troh-juhn hawrs] noun:
A big mythical wooden horse dating back to the ancient Greeks
Screenshots
[skrint] noun:
What you do when you're mad at your computer
Wiki
[wk] noun:
The top of a candle that burns
VAR
[var]:
What pirates say